Empty Wallet, empty faith?

This post was going to be entitled The Joys of Being a Stay At Home Dad.

Truthfully? The job is amazing, but when you're struggling financially, it takes all the air out of the fun. I'm still looking for work, but I feel like I'm in a no-win situation: Can't find a job in my field, too overqualified for work in other fields.

None of the temp agencies I've signed up for have been able to find work for me. Target told me they had nothing available. And to top if off, a freelance job is a few weeks late giving me the payment, a payment that would have made our move to Virginia a lot smoother.

It's as if all the worst-case scenarios of moving to Virginia have come true. Before I moved, I anticipated either having a job immediately, or having that freelance money come through to tide me over while looking for work. And neither of those have happened.

My sister thinks I am suffering from depression. That's probably true. I'm always tired. Sometimes I don't feel like I have the motivation to sit down and do a simple blog post. But I really feel like getting a job in order to make ends meet would cheer me up. It'd be nice to be able to go to the movies without feeling like I'm breaking my piggy-bank's back.

Even though it doesn't feel that way, I know God is there. Or is he? Yeah he is, otherwise I wouldn've have a place to stay, food or anything. And it's probably my fault for not doing a daily prayer and Bible reading devotional. I probably wouldn't want to help me either. Checking Facebook first thing in the morning instead of praying. That's awful.

But I think of St. Teresa of Avila who allegedly said, "If this is how you treat your friends, then it is no wonder you have so few of them." I just want to scream sometimes. "Lord I'm doing everything possible to try to help my own situation, can you please show me something, anything?"

That freelance check coming through this week would be a miracle. Or the rest of our security deposit from our place in Harrisburg, which had to be mailed on Monday. That'd be nice. Thank God my sister is willing to help us out during this transition (she will be paid back in full), but that's the word there: transition. We're stuck in that transition, like purgatory for people on the move.

I don't need a sign from God. Just some assurance he's there. And right now, I don't feel like I even have that. So while I'm waiting, I'll make the best of it. I've applied at every retail chain I can think of, so today I'll find more. I'm proud of my family's military heritage, maybe I'll hit up a recruiter for the reserves (or active-duty, what the Hell do I have to lose?).

And I'll make the daily readings my first priority. If God won't show up in my life, I'll do everything I can to find him.

Starting the stay-at-home gig.

How valuable is being a stay-at-home parent?

According to this study by salary.com, if you paid a stay-at-home mom (or dad, although the story doesn't say so) the way an employer would pay someone, calculating overtime, it would be approximately $113,586. I try to remind myself of that as Allicia starts work tomorrow while I stay at home to take care of Lucy.

It would be nice to use some of those "earnings" on paying off debt, but I'll settle for being able to get food on the table at a normal time each day.

That's what I'm feeling so nervous about lately. Allicia and I had a conversation this afternoon, where she asked me if I'd rather stay at home with Lucy or work. My answer was complicated: I'd rather stay home if she could pay all the bills with her job and have some extra spending money. But I'd rather be working right now so that we can make ends meet and have a nice date night every 2-3 weeks.

Alas, it's good to know that I'll be contributing somewhat, even if it doesn't feel like it.

So here's to the start of my new job. I started today off in style! While Lucy was playing by herself, I found the time to make some caramel popcorn. The recipe came out perfect and made for a great treat today. I think if I can find the time to do something constructive like that each day without neglecting our child, that will make the days a lot more fun.

Vanilla Honey Salted Caramel Popcorn.

Episode XXV: Early In The Morning

The 16-Bit Catholic is back! I'm trying an early morning format, waking up super early to do my Bible devotional and to bring you a podcast! On this episode, I talk more about our move from Pennsylvania to Virginia, my newfound love of Doctor Who, and this story about women priests.

It should be a fun show, and since I now have The Dustin Faber Show as an outlet to talk nothing but 1980s and 1990s pop culture (video games, movies, cartoons, etc), it frees me up on this show to talk more about faith and other things.

Click here to listen.

Daughter's sickness inspires freakout

My only moment of sanity this morning, courtesy of They Might Be Giants. Sorry for the not-completely still camera.

I fashion myself as a level-headed person. OK, so maybe I'm not rational all of the time, but I like to think I am. Or pretend I am. And isn't it the thought that counts? If it isn't, well that sure makes for a crummy Christmas.

Let's back up. Until I find a decent professional job, I get to do the best job ever: stay-at-home Dad. Allicia is working, and with today being her first day on the job, I felt like today was my first official day as a stay-at-home dad. Being somewhat of a perfectionist, I wanted today to go absolutely perfect. But thoughts of perfection were thrown out the window on Sunday night, when Lucy started coming down with a fever, most likely due to teething. And since she didn't get any more than two hours of sleep at a time overnight, I knew today would be a long day.

I had no idea just how long.

First, she gets up at 5:45, when she normally wakes up around 6:30 or so. I take her downstairs and she doesn't want to eat anything more than a handful of cheerios. No oranges, despite oranges being her absolute favorite food at the moment. No juice. No eggs. Lucy only wanted milk, which wasn't going to make for a good day.

She dozed off for about 20 minutes in the morning, a quick nap that was planted right in the middle of bawling her head off. I know I'm far from the first parent who has ever dealt with this, but it just felt like there was nothing I could do to comfort her. Her diaper was clean. She had already taken her fever reducing medicine. She refused any offer of food or drink. I just had to wait it out and feel like the worst person ever. Here was this tiny being that depended on Daddy to make life great, and I couldn't give her that.

Eventually, she calmed down, enough to film this short clip of her dancing to They Might Be Giant's "Istanbul," but the joy of that alt-rock band was soon forgotten as my daughter remembered that fevers do indeed suck.

So we decided to take a bath. That calmed her down until she did something I've avoided for 14 months: Poop in the tub. Which made her cry because, hey, when you refuse liquids all day, constipation will rear it's ugly head. So we got out of the tub, I gave her more milk (not bright of me) and we tried nap time an hour early.

She wouldn't have any of it. Tired as she was, nap time was an evil thing to her, as she let me know at what must have been 90+ decibels. I had seen earlier that someone, a pediatric nurse no less, had recommended Pedialite to keep her from getting dehydrated. Despite my wife and sister saying she didn't need it earlier in the morning, I was a man possessed: I was going to get my Lucy some Pedialite.

Only I couldn't find it. The one thing I knew for sure would make her feel better, and I couldn't find it anywhere.

I lost my mind.

I searched every cabinet. Every drawer. Every room of the house with growing helplessness. "God, all I need is this Pedialite to help my daughter," I nearly screamed, voice cracking and fighting back tears of frustration. All I wanted to do was make my daughter feel good, and I couldn't even find medicine for her.

Giving up on my search, I went back into her room after 30 minutes of her screaming, rocked her, and she eventually took a one hour nap. When she woke up, she had the look of a dazed stoner at a Dave Matthews concert. Thankfully, my sister was around to make an amazing concoction for her. A greek yogurt smoothie with strawberry, banana and grape juice. Lucy gulped down the whole thing. As far as the Pedialite, it was in the trunk of the car, which Allicia had at work (she did get that ounce of Pedialite later).

Eventually, Lucy started to feel better this evening, and I do hope she sleeps through the night. I learned a lot on my first day as a temporary stay-at-home dad. I learned that you should use gloves when you wipe down a bathtub with bleach. I learned that you shouldn't keep medicine in the trunk of your car. I learned that music can soothe a crying baby, even if just temporary.

And I learned that its so easy to lose rational thinking even if you think you have it all together. I wish I had some spiritual lesson to take from this. Trusting in God? I dunno. I trusted him today somewhat, and things turned out ok, although constant prayer all morning probably would have helped.

It's easier said than done, but in the future, I should probably remain calm instead of slamming cabinet doors when I can't find something. God eventually helped me out today. My daughter didn't die, or even require a trip to the ER, so that's definitely something to be thankful for.

I think every parent is entitled to a freakout when it comes to their children, especially when they're sick and you can't comfort them. If I did this every day, then I'd call into question my parenting sanity, but for a first day on the job? Eh, it could have been better. It could have been much worse as well.

Oh, and I should be thankful for They Might Be Giants, for providing my only moment of sanity today. Thank God the Backyardigans aren't my only friends.

Welcome back!

It's certainly been a while, hasn't it? Here's what we've been up to since we last spoke in November.

- Thanksgiving with my sister for the first time in five years (her husband is in the Air Force, and living thousands of miles away from each other makes it hard to eat cornbread together: more on this later). It was the first Thanksgiving I had where the turkey was fried instead of baked. ZOMG so good. Shame of it is, it ruined other turkeys for me. None of them are as good as a fried turkey.

- Christmas was meh for me. The highlight was going to Christmas Day Mass with my wife Allicia and daughter Lucy. The reason it was meh was because I thought I'd be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my side of the family, something I hadn't done since 2009. But depending on how you look at it, my employer was either a mean kid with a magnifying glass, or a busy bureaucracy with little time for individual workers.

Both of those sounded bad didn't they? With apologies to my employer, I was unable to secure Christmas week off and had to "settle" for the week before Christmas getting to see my family. Oh boo hoo right? Some people don't even get that. But when your heart is set on one thing, and you firmly believed it would happen, you don't really feel like looking at things from a rational point of view.

- Another craptacular playoff run for New England. Holy sweetness if we don't get help on the defensive side of the ball in the offseason this year, I'm going to throw something through the TV.

- Lucy turned one year old.  The cake was amazing. The people coming over were amazing. MY DAUGHTER AGED A WHOLE YEAR AND NOW I FEEL OLD! Well, not terribly old. But now I look back at those grownups who would always say to me, "Oh you get so big so fast!" and I don't find them to be annoying and full of it.

- We moved.

Ah yes, we packed our bags. We emptied our house. And we headed from Harrisburg to Hampton Roads, VA, which is part of the Virginia Beach metropolitan area. It's more fun to tell people you moved to Virginia Beach, as they can envision me soaking up rays, watching dolphins in the ocean with crabs running all over the place. When you tell someone you moved to Hampton, they probably think of the Tiny Toons character or something like that.

We decided to move because our first moving plans to New Jersey were thwarted. The lease on the apartment we could no longer afford was up. I hated my job (not the people, just the job itself) to the point where I came home cranky and miserable, which made the rest of my family cranky and miserable.

So we prayed. And OMG did we pray. It's hard to explain that to people. When I've moved before, sometimes I used God to justify it, when in reality I should have stayed put. So now, when you tell your family you're moving, I could picture them rolling their eyes through the phone. I guess I kind of deserved that one. Still, with the lease on our apartment up and with a desire to find cheaper dwellings (and with no guilty feeling like we were doing something bad), we packed our bags and headed south.

Has it been easy? No. Allicia got a job with a medical company that pays decently well. As for me, well, I'm a different story. I've interviewed at a few places, but so far nothing. The design job didn't call back after promising they would. The lawn care company never called back. Heck, I can't even get retail stores to call back. The man with a print journalism degree, unhireable (the spell check says to turn that to unlikeable, which would explain a lot)!

Am I destined to be a freelancer? I feel that way sometimes. Maybe I don't need to be working in a retail store. Maybe I need to be at home with Lucy (saves money on daycare) and doing design projects on the side (I got a new computer to replace my 8-year-old eMac, so that makes freelancing much easier). What I do know for certain is that I need to spend more time doing daily prayer and Bible reading. And today's devotional? It was all about waiting for God's plan, that God has something great for you and that you need to be patient.

Right now, I don't know what that plan is. But while I'm waiting, I'm going to make the most of my time. You'll see a lot more blog posts from me. You'll see more podcasts. If this is how God wants me to spend my professional career, at home with Lucy, then the least I could do is let you come along for the ride.

God bless,
Dustin Faber

Episode XXIV: New web site and Friday Night Lights!

What a delay! Sorry I;'ve been busy, but I hope you'll enjoy this episode of The 16-Bit Catholic. In this episode, I reveal a new web site that I've been working on called Titus Among Us (www.titusamongus.com). Think Grantland but with a religious aspect. The web site should be launching in the next few weeks.

I also talk to a really good friend named Jeremy Muck (@jeremymuckadg) about the greatest tv show ever created: Friday Night Lights. It was an interview that was conducted for another podcast, but that one has been delayed indefinitely, so I wanted to bring it to you on my own show.

It's a great show. I hope you enjoy it!

Click here to listen.

Abby's Lane

I have been super bad at blogging lately, you all know that, but I haven't been absent from the interwebs in general. So I bring you a website to check out. We have been toying with the idea of cloth diapering and I am in love with Abby's Lane . They have a Boba Air giveaway ending tonight, and a new giveaway going on for all the love they have been getting at their facebook page.  So click away, bloggy buddies. You will find some really awesome stuff on their site even if you don't have the slightest desire to use cloth diapers. They've got Baby Legs (the cutest) and other gifts... Oh and did I mention FREE SHIPPING on ALL ORDERS to the USA.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

Do you know the Catholic Newlywed? No? Well today is your lucky day. She is hosting a month of give-a-ways for her daughter's first birthday and I happen to be first up!!!

A Gift Pack from my Work At Home Mom business as an Independent Consultant with Thirty One!

You could win some great stuff from now until December 3rd. Here is the link to my contest, but make sure you check her other posts because there is so much you could win!  

 CLICK HERE TO VISIT CATHOLIC NEWLYWED BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY

The Quickest Quick Take Evah! (#8)

--- 1 ---

I'm going to be quick like a bunny because every time I start getting a long flowing thought the baby makes a noise that sounds an awful lot like "Momma, I refuse to sleep any longer" and I get nervous and lose my train of thought

--- 2 ---

I started a new business selling Thirty-One.   I L-O-V-E the products and will have a give-away here and there, in the mean time I will tell you that I think everyone in the entire world needs an Organzing Utility Tote (pictured below) and my website for shopping and browsing is: www.mythirtyone.com/alliciafaber

--- 3 ---

Lucy has 4 teeth... the front four teeth... the teeth with which to bite a Momma in a very special 'Momma and Lucy time' place.  And all the Mommas said "Ouch!"

--- 4 --- 

The dog got out today. She's such a pest. I was actually standing out there watching her and she went up to the fence, sniffed a little to fool me, and darted. Luckily she takes her time sniffing things and I can get to the end of the block to meet her before she gets into the street. Surprisingly, she always seems so happy to see us and comes running into our arms when we get to the end of the block.  Silly dog!
 

--- 5 ---

Baby is awake.  Gonna see if I can get these last two in before she gets annoyed.

--- 6 ---

Lucy will be a ladybug for halloween. I was a ladybug for the last 3 Halloweens. Yes, I love ladybugs. Yes, I got it at a yardsale. No, I will not make my husband dress up as a ladybug!

--- 7 ---

Happy Birthday to Lino Rulli.  Who's Lino Rulli? You'll have to click on The Catholic Guy to find out. It's legit I swear!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Abobo's Big Adventure: Greatest flash game of all time.

There is a sea of crappy flash games on the web, but every now and then, one causes you to stand up and shout "THANK YOU GOD!" upon discovering it. The game I found? Abobo's Big Adventure.

Sweet mercy this is an incredible game. You control Abobo, who is the iconic boss from the Double Dragon series, and embark on a journey to save his son. The first stage is the first stage from Double Dragon, only you control Abobo and fight a wide variety of NES characters, including Goombas, Donkey Kong, and thugs from Kung Fu. 

From then, it gets nutty: one level has you swimming through level 2-1 of Super Mario Bros. while eating enemies a la Yoshi, while another puts you in a Zelda-style game.

It truly is a letter of love to any NES fan, and I had such a blast playing this last night. Parental guidance suggested: it does contain some gross humor and gratuitous violence (eating mermaids can be gruesome), so exercise caution when playing this in front of your children.

Abobo. You are cherished.